
Dear Anderson Cooper:
I  am  writing you today to tell you that I am one of the  very few people in lovely city of San Francisco, that  does not care whether or not you are Gay. 
I have to say that I  thought about it.  After  your heartfelt  reporting on Katrina, After the  days of  watching the anguish on your  face as  you waded through  the  shit an corpse  infested  flood waters of the  streets of New Orleans and   voiced  the outrage that all of  us were  feeling.  As  we watched you  go  for  days on end with out a sleeping, a decent meal, or a new outfit,  I began to think about you.
 I  began to think this. Wow, this   dude that  all of my  gay   friends have a crush on,   seems like a decent  guy.  And since I know that  you are a "confirmed bachelor", I began thinking about which of my Gay BFs I would set  you  up  with. I even settled on My Gay Husband Michael, mainly  because you  are half Southern and half Vanderbilt and I know that Michael adores Biltmore House. 
I  even began to plan  your wedding. It would take  place at the Biltmore Estate. Michaels people are  from NC so its not that bad  of a  drive for them and  for you it would be keeping it in the  family.  The  simple  ceremony, that I  would officiate,  would be  followed  by a killer reception that would be attended  by  all the right people. Vanity  Fair and CNN would have joint coverage  of  the  festivities.
 I  of course  would "kill" as the officiate, people would  come  up to me and tell me  how great I was,  how deeply moved by the ceremony, how there  had never been a wedding quite  like it.  
After that,  I would become  the wedding officiate to the Stars. I would  even   be asked to  officiate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wedding that  would take place  in Africa,  and be attended by  their 10 illegitimate children, Bono,  and the cast  of Oceans 13.  That's where I  would meet George Clooney  and we would marry and I would change my name,  because I  would not have to change any thing that  I already  had monogramed. Once I become Mrs. GC  I would hang out with all the  right people, Oprah would be my best friend. 
 George and I  would become humanitarians  like Brad and Angelina, we would  travel the world  doing good, making the planet better.  We would of course allow you to interview us and for that  exclusive interview, you would win a  Pulitzer, or a Peabody, or an EMMY. I am not quite sure, or perhaps all three.
I told my  friend Michael about my plans to set  you  guys up. He told me that you  probably have other plans. He told me that you only  date Black guys.
I mean that's cool and every thing, I   have a serious thing  for Jewish  boys so I  do understand being into a particular flavor of Man. But I have to tell you Anderson, (can I call you Anderson? ) you are missing out, my friend Michael is a catch. He is  funny,  intelligent, has a    great sense of style and  fries  up  a mean chicken to  boot.  I  honestly think that  you  should  give  Michael a chance.   I mean  look at all you are giving up...an EMMY  for Christ sake...
 It was then,  Anderson, that  I stopped caring whether or not you were a homosexual. It   does seem to be the talk  of the town. I  hear constant whisperings about your gayness.  Those too cute to  be straight remarks, the snide comments about   being  40 something and being unattached,  those coded remarks about your absent  father and overbearing fashion designer  mother. Blah Blah Blah.
 I  almost  feel sorry  for you, I mean  I lost a parent and the last thing that I want happening  is a bunch  of queens  sitting around  deconstructing   my   personality, discussing whether or not  mothers  death  influences who I am  banging at the time. I mean  I personally like to   keep  those things  separate, don't you? 
But I  guess that's the   price you  pay for being famous. 
I truly am sorry about that part. 
But what  I came to realize,  Anderson, is that I  don't care about  your homosexuality, because it  does not  effect me in the least bit.  Its not like I am  ever going to meet you, or that you will  date my  friend.  Its not like  your gayness or non gayness effects the  weather or if  the BART  runs on time. It  is not like there is an Anderson  Cooper is Gay holiday. Or that you  live next door  and the constant pounding  of the Bass  from your Erasure import collection keeps me up at night. 
So I  will   leave the  speculation on your Homosexuality  to the   gossipy  queens with nothing better to do except  have serious discussions on  who is  gay and who is not.
In  closing Anderson, I would like to say  that  I  hope you are not an asshole. Because your TV personality  seems nice enough. And even though I don't care about your homosexuality, I  would like to tell you to keep  up the good work that you are  doing.  I hope you do win an award or something and that you are happy.
Much Love, 
Genevieve