I don't care about Anderson Coopers "apparent Homosexuality"

Dear Anderson Cooper:

I am writing you today to tell you that I am one of the very few people in lovely city of San Francisco, that does not care whether or not you are Gay.

I have to say that I thought about it. After your heartfelt reporting on Katrina, After the days of watching the anguish on your face as you waded through the shit an corpse infested flood waters of the streets of New Orleans and voiced the outrage that all of us were feeling. As we watched you go for days on end with out a sleeping, a decent meal, or a new outfit, I began to think about you.

I began to think this. Wow, this dude that all of my gay friends have a crush on, seems like a decent guy. And since I know that you are a "confirmed bachelor", I began thinking about which of my Gay BFs I would set you up with. I even settled on My Gay Husband Michael, mainly because you are half Southern and half Vanderbilt and I know that Michael adores Biltmore House.

I even began to plan your wedding. It would take place at the Biltmore Estate. Michaels people are from NC so its not that bad of a drive for them and for you it would be keeping it in the family. The simple ceremony, that I would officiate, would be followed by a killer reception that would be attended by all the right people. Vanity Fair and CNN would have joint coverage of the festivities.

I of course would "kill" as the officiate, people would come up to me and tell me how great I was, how deeply moved by the ceremony, how there had never been a wedding quite like it.

After that, I would become the wedding officiate to the Stars. I would even be asked to officiate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wedding that would take place in Africa, and be attended by their 10 illegitimate children, Bono, and the cast of Oceans 13. That's where I would meet George Clooney and we would marry and I would change my name, because I would not have to change any thing that I already had monogramed. Once I become Mrs. GC I would hang out with all the right people, Oprah would be my best friend.

George and I would become humanitarians like Brad and Angelina, we would travel the world doing good, making the planet better. We would of course allow you to interview us and for that exclusive interview, you would win a Pulitzer, or a Peabody, or an EMMY. I am not quite sure, or perhaps all three.

I told my friend Michael about my plans to set you guys up. He told me that you probably have other plans. He told me that you only date Black guys.

I mean that's cool and every thing, I have a serious thing for Jewish boys so I do understand being into a particular flavor of Man. But I have to tell you Anderson, (can I call you Anderson? ) you are missing out, my friend Michael is a catch. He is funny, intelligent, has a great sense of style and fries up a mean chicken to boot. I honestly think that you should give Michael a chance. I mean look at all you are giving up...an EMMY for Christ sake...

It was then, Anderson, that I stopped caring whether or not you were a homosexual. It does seem to be the talk of the town. I hear constant whisperings about your gayness. Those too cute to be straight remarks, the snide comments about being 40 something and being unattached, those coded remarks about your absent father and overbearing fashion designer mother. Blah Blah Blah.

I almost feel sorry for you, I mean I lost a parent and the last thing that I want happening is a bunch of queens sitting around deconstructing my personality, discussing whether or not mothers death influences who I am banging at the time. I mean I personally like to keep those things separate, don't you?

But I guess that's the price you pay for being famous.

I truly am sorry about that part.

But what I came to realize, Anderson, is that I don't care about your homosexuality, because it does not effect me in the least bit. Its not like I am ever going to meet you, or that you will date my friend. Its not like your gayness or non gayness effects the weather or if the BART runs on time. It is not like there is an Anderson Cooper is Gay holiday. Or that you live next door and the constant pounding of the Bass from your Erasure import collection keeps me up at night.

So I will leave the speculation on your Homosexuality to the gossipy queens with nothing better to do except have serious discussions on who is gay and who is not.

In closing Anderson, I would like to say that I hope you are not an asshole. Because your TV personality seems nice enough. And even though I don't care about your homosexuality, I would like to tell you to keep up the good work that you are doing. I hope you do win an award or something and that you are happy.


Much Love,

Genevieve